WW VayCayShun!

See ya next week. Go link up with other wordless wednesday loves at project alicia

I have hope

God, how life throws you for loops, doesn't it?

Last week was spent thinking about my girl, A...my best friend. She went on Friday, to learn that her cancer is very aggressive. I guess that's common when a young woman gets cancer...it can spread quickly. She has a small tumor in her breast and a large-ish tumor in her lymph nodes. That's actually what prompted the doc visit - the lump under her arm. A mammogram a month ago? Didn't detect the boob lump.

When I got to see her Saturday, we spent some time alone before the other girls arrived and it was Good. Just good. She's a scientific, numbers type and laid it all out for me. We talked it through. She's ready for the lumpectomy - coming soon - on her 37th birthday. She's ready to start chemo the week after. Every 2 weeks for 4 months. She's ready for that. During this time, she'll get the genetic testing - if she's a carrier, she'll most likely have a double mastectomy. Possibly radiation. They've already scheduled her for 30 radiation treatments. For Fuck's Sake.

She most likely won't be able to have children. Did I mention she's not married? Not even in a serious relationship? Yah. So she's facing all of this alone. Family will travel to help her. Her team is here and ready. We got through the facts. That she's got Stage 2 Breast Cancer, that has spread and "more than one lymph node" is infected. She's "triple negative" which isn't great.

After that. We tried to have a decent time. We ate and drank. We laughed. Some cried. Me? I sat back and took it in. I watched A take it in. Interact. Fight the facts already. She's not one to ask for help. I told her I know that...but we're going to show up. We'll clean her floors and do her laundry and shovel snow and bring movies send funny cards.

We will NOT wear pink [her request].

Even though she and I are very close, we've never been the schmoopy huggy type. When I left her today, I hugged her hard. She relented and hugged me back just as hard. She knows I'm scared. I know she's scared. This is going to SUCK. But we're fighting. Together.

FYI - she has no idea I have this site. Or who "MommaKiss" is. This is for me. It's helping me process and I know that it isn't the 'tone' of my typical posts. Once in a while, I'll probably ask for a prayer or good vibes. I've been amazed and kinda humbled by the words and offers of well wishes by so many. Most who have never met me, much less my girl A.

I'm so thankful. And so ready to kick some cancer ass.

Brother's Love

I was a wee bit tired the other night and decided to just go to bed with the boys. It's actually a superb idea for everyone involved. They don't mess around with their typical hour long giggle fest, I get snuggles and they sleep soundly.

This night, they wanted to sleep together. First time in their lil lives they've asked, so I said yes. We all climbed up the ladder to the top bunk, "Focusing Momma." The boys put their heads on little pillows on one end and I curled up in the other end. I'm short, it worked.

As I close my eyes and listen to their antics, I can't help but smile. Big Kiss, in all of his 5 year old wisdom says "Lil, if you get scared, just snuggle right up to me, OK? You can have my puppy, OK? Are you scared now?"

Little: "Yah - I'm scawed" and he proceeds to lay on his brother's back and the giggling starts.

I ask them to move to their own pillows and lay down.

Eyes close again.

Big Kiss says "g'nite little brother. Let me kiss your face all over."

I squint open one eye to see them doing the nightly routine that I typically do - kiss the forehead, temple, cheek, chin, other cheek, other temple, each eye and nose.

When each is done, they say "Love you deep deep in my heart."

They squirmed and rolled around a bit more, but finally fell asleep together.

Brother's. Children. Cherished love.

Guess they actually do listen to me sometimes.

Friday Flip Offs 9-24

I had such a great day last Friday. Thanks for the comments and I hope some of you stick around.

I'm still helping out Gigi from Kludgymom by hosting the Friday Flip Offs.




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Flip off the angst of the past week and enjoy your weekend, angst free. If you feel like flipping someone off but don’t want to join the linky / hop thingy, go ahead and just leave a comment!

I am giving a HUGE flip the fuck off to cancer. It hit me much too close to home and it sucks.

I wish I it in me to flip more off, but you know what? It all seems pretty minor in the grand scheme of things today.

I'm a peach. Deal.

She's sick.

I met her in the Fall of 1999.  I hadn't set eyes on her until I showed up with my moving van in the Southie alleyway. The house where we would become roommates. A mutual friend put us in touch as I needed a place to stay and she needed a help on the rent.

We didn't actually live well together. Sure, we were cordial and hung out a bit, but she wasn't more than a room mate. I'm kind of that way with girls, to be honest. It takes me a long time to let someone "in."

The next year I got engaged and my then fiance lived just 8 blocks away, so I moved out. This is when her and I became close friends. We exercised together, commuted to work together, met for happy hours, had sleep overs.  She worked her way "in" and we've never looked back.

She is my son's Godmother. She is my husband's confidante in all things "WTF is up with my wife?" She is my girl. She holds my secrets and my heart.

And she is sick.

Yesterday, my girl found out her biopsy results. She has cancer. The Big C. It's in her breast and her lymph nodes. This is all she knows. She's scheduled to see the oncologist tomorrow and on Saturday, Team A will get together with her for her self proclaimed "pity-party." We're going to figure out where to go from here.

I'm trying very very hard to not make this about me. But I'm scared. And I'm pissed. I'm fucking irate. I've cried a lot of tears and I'm sure more will be shed.

But on Saturday and every day that I'm with her, I will be her strength, no matter what it takes. Hell, if it comes to it, and she's in throes of chemo and she loses her hair, I'll shave my head with her.  I'm in. I'm so in and will fight with her.

She's my girl.

And she's sick.

It's not me, it's you...

I was going to post today. Well, last night actually.

Last night, I had this hairbrained idea that dinner was for losers and had a cocktail (or 3) instead. Bad idea. So no, I didn't write.

And today, well, the noggin' is a little fuzzy to be honest.

AND THEN? I read this great post at Gigi's house about mediocrity in blogging and hell to the NO am I going to try to even chuck some words on the proverbial page today.

It's a GOOD post. Go.

When you're done, please don't call me mediocre.

I could SO be a soccer mom

I have been grinning like a kid on Christmas morning since posting on Friday. New visitors, amazing comments, great feedback - makes for a happy MommaKiss, I'll tell you that much.

A big fat Thank You for the comments, except that one douchebag. You know who you are [and I love you anyway].

Weekend sorta flew by. Guess that happens to a lot of us.

I have a lil story to tell and decided to use it for a friend's writing prompt, so here goes.

My BigKiss is 5. I didn't really deal with that very well, but we had a great summer, a shaky start to kindergarten and now he's immersed in his first organized sport.

Soccer.

Yes. Soccer.

Now, listen, I'm not really the kind to schedule the hell out of my kid's free time, not to mention, MY weekend time, but I digress. My friggin husband signed him up and said "By the way, Saturday at 9 is his first game and you're on for snacks. GiddyUp." Asshat.

Thing is, it's turned out to be pretty good all around. He started the Saturday after his first week in Kindergarten. A girl from his recess period and a kid from his daycare are on his team and 2 other kids in his class are on other teams. He actually goes after the ball and is pretty quick, so there's that. I was a bit worried he'd be the little wuss on the sidelines and we'd have to push him on to the field, but nope - he was all excited and likes playing.

We're usually up early on Saturdays, so our new routine is to go get bagels and an XL coffee for me then join the other townies at the soccer field.

I guess I could lie and say I'm his biggest cheerleader, but I'm not. I look over once in a while and say "go blue" or some shit, but mostly I sit in my chair and people watch. If people watching were an olympic sport, I'd be quite a medal contender.

Things I've learned in the 2 weeks we've been there?

I'm NOT a soccer mom.

Well, if the definition included hangover breath being masked by coffee breath + hat & pigtails + bomber shades + yoga pants + flip flops + NOT a minivan, well then yah - I'm a soccer mom. Some of the others I'm seeing? High waisted khakis with granny undie panty lines? "Mom" haircuts? Crocs and SOCKS?! Problems all around, people.

Not to mention this sight:

He's our age. That's One Helluva Combover!

So he's "that dad" who's on the sidelines yelling during every exchange "Nice steal, Johnny!" "Great goal, Johnny!" "PASS IT TO JOHNNY!" Does he realize these kids are only 5? That there are no goalies or out of bounds? Or that maybe if Johnny wasn't such a fucking show off, the other kids would pass once in a while. Total Asshat.

Oh, Also? Mr. Kiss took that picture, just for me. He may have redeemed himself from the sleuth-soccer-sign up asshattery.

I can't wait to go back next week ;)


~~~~~~~
trying word up this week:

BFF, Featurette & Flip OFF!

Well Well Well.

It's a BUSY day at MommaKiss. This is the most action this blog has gotten in - like - ever. Today I'm spreading the MK wisdom far and wide.

No, not via my legs, assclowns.

I'm guest posting! I'm someone's BFF. That's Right. Shell at Things I Can't Say has been doing this awesome thing on Fridays and it's finally my turn. I met Shell just a few months ago and she's become a fast friend who totally gets me. The good, the bad and the truly ugly of me.

Will you be good girls and boys and go visit me? PLEASE? [Ain't too proud to beg]. It's a pretty good post over there, if I do say so myself. Should be up in the morning. I'm giddy.



AND???

I also answered a few questions for Kate at Mommy Monologues for her the Friday Featurette.

Awesome.

If you're visiting from either place, say hi, dammit! But be kind. I'm a delicate soul.
{I lie. Delicate. Snort.}

Moving on - It's Friday (duh). Let's Flip Shit Off!


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While Gigi is being HeadMistress with her KludgyMom Back to School, Back to Blogging event, I'm helping her out as HeadFlipper. Flip off the angst of the past week and sail into the weekend without the monkey on your back. If you feel like flipping someone off but don’t want to join the linky / hop thingy, go ahead and just leave a comment!

Truth be told, this week was pretty good to me.

Wait - I do have one thing to Flip Off: I've been trying to schedule a lunch/dinner date with someone and it's just not working out so Fuck You busy plans and full schedules!

Otherwise - we've had a great week. We found a solution for the kid's hatred of kindergarten. Actually he didn't hate being there, he just got all emo at drop off. Solution? He's taking the bus in the mornings from daycare. Selfishly, I wanted the extra hour with him in the mornings and I wanted to be the one to bring him to school, but this bus thing is working so I'll sacrifice my own sappy feelings. Also, Lil Kiss is no longer on daily nebulizers for asthma. Just a pill [singulair] in the evenings and he'll need his inhaler / nebulizer if he has an attack. That's a huge change! For the better.

For the rest of you - Let's Hit It! Link Up folks - and go flip shit off with others on the link.

A MommaKiss Memory: Don't Break It.

a repost...one that got 0 comments [which is ok with me]...and one that was worth the read for me tonight...

*****************
Man, I am loving the weekends now-a-days.

We used to seriously search for things to do to keep the boys "busy." And that gets EXHAUSTING! But now, they play together as much as they fight together.

I don't HAVE to carry one or both of them everywhere - unless they've run down the driveway too fast and scrape the shit out of their knees. They "help" with stuff, like watering flowers and picking up sticks. They don't even mind when I need to just sit and have a mommy time out.

Well, that flies for like 5 minutes, but sometimes that's all I need.

I really REALLY miss that baby stage of the fat chubby fists and thighs - but this whole walking / talking / playing thing is a fun stage.

Top it off? The other night Big Kiss went to bed and had to come to the stairs for "just one more hug."

Jeez - how do you turn that down? And then? He got to the top and went to blow me a kiss. Or so I thought. But he said "I blow you a heart!" I "caught" it, and he said so softly, "Don't Break it!"

You just broke mine, kid - God help the first broad who breaks your little heart!

Miscellany

It's the weekend - literally posting from the crackberry so as to share some thoughts and events. You KNOW you've been missing me. Just admit it. It's OK.

It's 8am, my Lil Kiss is still sleeping. If you only knew how mega-unusual this is, you'd be excited right along with me.

Me? I'm sitting here enjoying the morning news with my coffee. Listening to my Big Kiss scream BOO YAH from Manland. Why, you ask? Mr. Kiss found a way to keep him occupado with the playstation football game. I think he thinks he's actually playing, and if there's a tackle or something, he's "won." So yes, BOO YAH and TAKE THAT are flyin' out of his mouth. Better than "suck it" or "you're goin down" or somesuch, I guess.

Last night? Left a certain, um, piece of bedroom apparatus out on the bathroom counter. Big Kiss totally saw it and turned it on and OHMYGOD I'm mortified. He asked if it was some sort of thing for my hair. "Yes, now please turn it off (while I mentally calculate your therapy costs)."

Today we're going to a football game. The weather *may* even be nice.

Tomorrow, Big Kiss goes back to Kindy. Good Lord in Heaven Above, if ever I need a happy day, tomorrow is it. Say a lil prayer for us, will ya? Thanks. Gift is in the mail :)

Friday FLIP off 9-10-10

It's Friday Flip Off time, campers! Gigi is still busy with her Back to School, Back to Blogging event so I'm helping her out again.

Let's get to it! Flip off the angst of the past week and sail into the weekend, free of the angsty angst [i like the word, sorry]. If you feel like flipping someone off but don’t want to join the hop, just leave a comment with what’s got you riled up this week. No worries!




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My Fuck You's Flip Offs this week:

Froot Loops? Flip off, for shredding the hell out of the roof of my mouth. Again.

Hair Down There? Flip off, you're annoying to begin with - and when I try to get you ripped out, it hurts like a mofo. I'm tempted to spend mucho dinero for laser removal.

Hangover Rebound? Flip off, it's taking me 3 days to fully recover now that I'm an old hag. Don't even tell me to stop partying. It's my only coping mechanism.

To the 3 year old in my Lil Kiss' daycare class? [more, your mother] FLIP OFF for sending this shit home. The goodie bag, for the kid's birthday, in DAYCARE. They're THREE. Hate goodie bags to begin with - but this pile of junk and candy is an obnoxious shitstorm of unnecessary.

Kindergarten...you can fuck right the fuck off. (yes, I wrote a sissy-momma post on this subject. It cut me deep. Real Deep.)

Join In Kids...

Big Kiss's Kindy Story

This week has been full of something akin to sitting in the bed of a pick-up truck, full of dog shit, on a hot day.

 

That descriptive enough for you?

 

Jaysus, I need life to throw me a bone.

 

Clearly the first day of kindergarten, for my first born, was going to be hard. Mainly on Momma. I was fully expecting that. But my kid? He's pretty adaptive, laid back, shy at first, but loves to learn and stuff.  I figured I'd drop him off, take some pictures through my tears and go have my spa day whilst drowning in the sorrows of my baby growing up.

 

Not so much.

 

My kid cried as I stood by him in the 'room line' before school. And as he walked away from me [see that Wordless Weds picture]. He didn't look back, he kept right on walking, my brave boy, but he was crying all the same. One of the saddest pictures I've ever taken of this child. 

 

I let him go…went to the spa…had a massage from hell [not the therapist's fault, my back is fucked up], went grocery shopping and then did what any mother in her right mind would do.

 

I stalked my kid on the playground. I knew when recess started, so I was in the parking lot in my car, slumped down low like a criminal and watched him run out, swing, slide and generally be a little kid burning off steam. I noticed he wasn't really joining up with other kids, but I didn't expect him to. He's NOT like me, the social butterfly, he's much more like his Dada in that way.  It takes him a bit to warm up. 

 

I went to get a coffee and again found myself in the same parking lot, sitting low, while he came out of school and waited for the bus.

 

Lemme back up – our daily schedule will be Momma drops off in morning, Big Kiss takes a bus to daycare, Momma (or Mr. Kiss) picks up both boys from daycare after work.

 

So since I didn't want him to see me and ruin his soon-to-be new routine, I hid again.  He got on his bus – and off – like a pro. Yes, I hauled ass to make it to daycare before the bus did. And I have pictures. Taken from the backseat of my crime-mobile. 

 

The teacher was so awesome to e-mail parents with a report on their child's first day of kindy. She told me he cried 'til snack time and then had a good day. And I replied and asked for advice.  Turns out they read a book called The Kissing Hand, which was in his folder. Which I had received the week before. Which I didn't bother to fucking open. Which would have helped us, I think. Anyway – it's about a kid being scared to go to kindergarten and his momma gives him a kiss on his left hand, which is connected to the left shoulder, which is connected to the heart. And when the kid was sad during the day, he could look at his hand or touch his hand to his cheek and think of his momma.   So on day 2, I walked him in, kissed his hand, told him I'd see him after school and left. He was crying again. But I didn't linger. I need to let go.

 

He said his second day was better, that he only cried because he missed me for "a little bit."

 

This morning? I asked if he needed a kissing hand, he said "No Momma, because I know daycare, I've been there lots." Yah. They have no school today or tomorrow for the jewish holidays. I love the jews.

 

We shall start anew on Monday.

Oh and an f.y.i. for those of you who were happy to toss your kid to school, well, I envy you and more power to ya. Enjoy your quiet time! Seriously! But for us, both of my kids have been in daycare since 4 mos old - they're used to not being home during the day...for me, this kindy thing is the start of something so new for our whole family. New schedules, friends, buses, etc. For the kid, well, he's like the fucking Mayor or daycare. Big Man On Campus. He didn't know anyone in his class and is totally out of his comfort zone. Anyway. Felt like 'splainin' my sissy self. 

 

 

**********

p.s. - Join me again tomorrow for Friday Flip Offs - still helping Gigi at www.kludgymom.com

I'll try to get a link up early.

Wordless Wednesday 9-8

A Kindy Survival Kit

Tomorrow morning my Big Kiss is going to Kindergarten. My homegirls know that I've been in denial about this day and one of them sent me the following:

The Kindergarten Survival Kit:

Coffee - for crying over, or celebrating, after drop off:

Kleenex - for those tears of joy or sorrow:

Glasses - for hiding those tears or bloodshot eyes:

Snappy necklace - for back to school night. Gotta look sharp:

Chocolate - for when he comes home in a mood:

Gum - for when Little Johnny's mom taps on your car window in the morning to discuss the macaroni project and you have stinky breath:

Note cards - for those last minute messages to the teacher:


Hat - for those days you just gotta hide the hair:

Not gonna lie, this is a WAY better idea than the fucking "boo hoo" party the school planned for after drop off the first day.

My baby. He's 3.

Today was my Little Kiss' 3rd birthday.

I celebrated by running away from the family ;)

Yesterday morning myself and 4 other 'hood mommas took of for Boston. We saw Wicked [my second time], had cocktails [about 17 too many], had dinner [uninterrupted] and tons and tons of laughs.

Not to mention, but I looked amazing.

And we left our waiter a $50 tip. On a $195 tab.

Yah, get the mommas drunk, you will be compensated.

So when I finally meandered home, my lil man came running up to me and informed me that TODAY I AM FWREE! [3?] I got the best hug from him - this kid is not a snuggly type, so I take every hug and kiss I can get from him.

We had lunch and cupcakes with my in laws and then played outside with his new bike.

The day was such a whirlwind, it's just now sinking in that I no longer have a 2 year old.

He's 3. My baby boy is 3. I love him so...even enough to over look the fact that the cops came during his birthday party...

Friday Flip Off! 9-3

It’s that time again, kids. Friday Flip Offs. I’m helping out The lovely KludgyMom while she works on her back to school – back to blogging project. I’m a total slacker and would rather flip stuff off than do, like, actual writing, so you get ME for a Friday or two. Yay Me.

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One more caveat: if you know me well, I typically use the real F-Bomb in these Friday Flip Offs, but in the interest of playing nice I’ll abbreviate ;)

Here goes.

People who fart in an elevator. EFF YOU! Seriously. I’ve been subject to this twice in one week – first time the elevator was packed, so, you know – culprit sort of got away with it. Second time? Just me and him. Yep. And I KNEW it wasn’t me. Stench was burned my nose hairs it smelled so bad. The nerve of some people.

To my ass, for being in between sizes, Eff You. I’m finally able to wear some cool jeans, but the waist is a bit loose because the size needs to go over my booty-licious backside. I’ma work hard to get the ass and legs to match the waist. If it kills me!

Others have said this, but google friend connect? That follow box? I click it on blogs – hoping that me “following” will make the person’s posts show up in google reader. Um. Not so much. What the fork? If you thought I was following you but have never been back? Please e-mail me and tell me. If you want your button on my button page? E-mail me, I'm gonna update that bitch. The blogroll, too. Anywazzle, Flip the Eff Off, google friend connect.

I think that’s all I can manage this week. I’m trying to think positive – August kicked me hard in the nads, so far September is being nice so I don’t wanna chance pissing it off.

Link up – yo – and visit KludgyMom to encourage her projects.


Hope this linky works :p

Wordless Wednesday 9.1

Mobile post-hope this works :)